Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
That's intense
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
