i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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