He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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