I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
