so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
