I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The air was thick with penises
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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