My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
