Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
