Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
