Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
