Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
