Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
