Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Two words: nipple clamps
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