he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
