i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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