there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
