no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
