oh fat girl friday strikes again...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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