He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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