Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
