Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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