the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
