What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
