i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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