i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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