I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
