Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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