Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
