you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
3 2 1 whiskey
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
