Just fell off a train. Bad.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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