Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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