I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
