I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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