this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
