Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
