In the future we'll all be gay
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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