I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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