I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
