using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the condom got lost in my hair
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
