She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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