Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
