Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
