she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
