He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
