Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
