I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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