I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
