I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
