I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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