You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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