I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
