he wants to bone in the snuggie
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We smell like vodka and hangover
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