..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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