New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
